Growing up my father gave me a lot of advice, none of which I followed.

A lot of his advice was good. However, the way he gave it even a saint would have scorned to obey. And a teenage girl is about as far from a saint as it gets.

Why?

He has no idea how to communicate his thoughts in a way that's compelling. Instead of persuading, he manages to rub people *exactly* the wrong way.

For one thing, he gets extremely worked up. Getting worked up might frighten someone into complying, but it instantly makes you lose credibility.

But more importantly, he's incapable of looking outside his value system.

He presents extremely well-thought out arguments as to why you should do what he says...taking for granted certain core assumptions about the world.

"...after all, only your parents love you selflessly."

If you say what you’re thinking - parental love isn't fully selfless either, people have kids because they think it'll improve their life in some way - he laughs it off incredulously, like you just said the sky is brown.

All you can do is shake your head no while he gets increasingly frustrated that you're pigheadedly refusing to see sense.

It's a form of stubbornness, really. To rationalize something using different values feels like conceding that those values are valid - might in fact be true. And many people are too attached to their own point of view to do this.

When people receive a new idea, they turn it over in their heads. Does it fit into their worldview, or does it oppose something they care about?

Bridging that gap is the key to effortlessly winning people over to your side.